Money Mind Shift Downward Spiral

I remember when the first dollar type stores came out. At first I was embarrassed to go to them. Then I thought I'd see what it was all about. I was surprised that sometimes I'd find cool things there, well worth a dollar. I started going there to pick up gag gifts, or sundries for my suitcase, or a convenient birthday card, but mostly I still shopped at box stores. It was kind of a lark to go there.

I realized I had a big mind shift the other day when I went to Dollar General. Generally I stick to the .99 store or Dollar Tree.  So I'm at Dollar General and they still have great deals but they are $1-$5. per item. It's still a quarter of the price of Walmart, Target, or other box stores. But in my head I'm going, 'Why would I pay $3 for this make-up when I can wait a few days and get something like it at the $1 store?' I suppose if there were a .25 Store I'd shop at it instead.  And I'm not sure when it happened, but now I can't even afford to shop at Walmart or K-mart or Target or Sam's Club or Costco. I never thought I'd fall this far out of the middle class. I never thought I'd have to scrimp and save enough to go to Dollar Tree. What's happening to me?

Birthday Girl

Happy birthday to me. I woke up at 3 AM and ate a piece of pumpkin pie. Then I went back to bed. Before I had breakfast I asked my boyfriend if we had any eating out lunch or dinner type plans before I wolfed down a big breakfast.  To my delight he said we were lunching at a buffet in Hesperia. Sure looking forward to that! I could have waited for him to surprise me, but then I’d be full when I got there and then I’d be sad.

It sounds like the tea kettle on the wood stove is hot now.  I need some tea to warm me up and get rid of that cold morning congestion.

I was reflecting on being 55 and some of the principles in that novel The Symbol. At one point in my life I believed we should do service to advance mankind. But years of hardship perhaps have made me apathetic. Why give to a beggar in a parking lot when he’s holding more money in his hand than I earned today? Why give to the poor in foreign countries when I find the government just siphons off the money to use for their own nefarious schemes? Hard questions to answer.  When I was more giving (because I had more to give) I was often taken advantage of by the takers. For every giver there seems to be a plethora of takers.

For example, I would give away balloon animals. The kids would line up, get their balloon, and run off again.  Then I found out some kids got back in line a dozen times, each time giving the balloon to a relative somewhere out in the crowd, then coming back for more. These people never tip.  And they have no shame about milking the system. So when I run out of balloons, they’ll have 25 and other kids will have none. Nor do they ever think that since they got something for nothing, maybe they should pay it forward and give something to someone else. They seem to have grown up with the pirate code: ‘Take all you can then take some more.’ This is just an easy to understand example of the way many people are, always with the hand out but never there to lend a hand.

Wow, kind of a dark topic for my birthday. I want to be the generous person I used to be before I was old and cynical. That’s all.

There are many ways to serve mankind that don’t involve money though. Like teaching people a skill like reading or accounting. Or visiting shut-ins and nursing homes. Or helping an elderly person with yard work or grocery shopping.

 Overnight I ran a systems scan and found a medium risk virus, so I’m glad I got rid of that. With dial-up it’s tricky to run scans, so I’m thankful I did it at 3 AM. My boyfriend doesn’t like tying up the phone line between 7 AM and maybe 10 PM.

I had to leave my clothes on the line overnight to dry, because it was too chilly yesterday.  I’m still getting used to not having a dryer. There’s a lot I haven’t gotten used to yet. Like dry towels that feel like cardboard.