Thursday, May 30, 2013

Hot Day Dry Wind

I feel a sense of malaise that I just can't shake these days. It is hard to stay in a good mood for any length of time. I find solace in nature and art, but my life seems to have no forward momentum. Every time I get a new source of income, another source dries up. I've tried talking to people about it, but that only makes it worse. The hot weather leaves me with a perpetual headache. In fact I slept half the day to avoid the heat. After we went to town and back, baking in our truck that has no air conditioning, I had a migraine. Plus its dusty from the wind, so I've been sneezing. The locals here don't understand what my problem is. The heat barely seems to register. Am I going to have to stay indoors under the cooler until October?

Chocolate Rocks

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Strings and Ceiling Wax and Politics and Other Fancy Stuff

It looks like I've lost my only blog follower. I think that there are so many 'follow' apps these days that no one is quite sure how to follow along anymore. When Etsy had a chat room I'd get several new followers a week. Oh well, it's not like I have one of those controversial blogs that everyone wants to read and can't get enough of. It would be nice to have an audience but I mainly write to express myself and get things out of my system.

For example, I'm very non-political. I don't like going round and round with people when they've already decided their point of view.  Most of us pick viewpoints at a fairly young age, often adopting those views our parents had. So much of politics is just lies and deception anyway. I've tried to get involved in politics but frankly it just bores me. Mankind is determined to have wars, and in the long run I don't see much I can do about it. Should I hold up a peace sign and get bashed in the head by someone who thinks war is the American way? Seems a waste of time.

Yesterday I was talking about being content with what I have and a man in the chat room said he needed $600 million dollars to be happy. Really? Since that is improbable does that mean he will now be unhappy the rest of his life while he waits for the money to arrive? Do rich people seem happy to you? That's just another illusion.

I need enough money to get a safe car and health insurance. I don't need enough money to buy my own island and kick off the indigenous people. I think having too much money can be as big a problem as having too little. Do you want to spend all your days hiring lawyers because when you are rich everyone wants your money? I feel rich when I have a warm meal, a roof over my head, and shoes that don't hurt.
My neighbor's horse.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Change is in the Air

The moon is waxing gibbous and I'm sad. Big changes are about to happen, and I feel unprepared for them. It seems I will have to do the impossible, and I'm scared. Will I ultimately be happier? It is hard to say. Can I be more specific? Not at this time. Do I need a good night's sleep? Yeah, probably. It is all I can really do right now.

The Moon a Few Nights Ago

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Sunset in the Mojave

No matter how bad the day went, my spirit is uplifted by nature. In this case nature's gift was an amazing sunset and a pink sun. Maybe sunset photos are cliche and  people are tired of seeing them, but I like to think of each sunset as one of a kind, and if you blink you will miss it.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013


Sometimes it doesn't take much to make me happy. Lately my feet have been too hot and uncomfortable in shoes and socks. I just couldn't take it anymore so I headed straight to the local market and found these flip-flops for $5. And today I wore them to the laundromat and I was happy to have cool feet. The palm trees remind me of my days in Anaheim and living near the beach. There are no palm trees in the desert, unless someone has planted some and babied them. I see a lot of dead ones from failed attempts. 
We do have Joshua trees though and that kind of makes up for it.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Bless the Moms in All The World

As sad as I may be and as much as my life sucks at times, it is not as bad as what my neighbor is going through.  She is watching her daughter die bit by bit.  As a mother with 2 daughters it just breaks my heart. Her daughter had a stroke in Oct. and has been going downhill since. My neighbor recently sold her daughter's horses when she had to face the fact that she'd never be well enough to ride again.

Recently she had a manicurist visit her daughter and give her a mani/pedi.  She said it is the only thing she can do for the girl; there is no fixing what ails her.

I am blessed that both my daughters and all my grandchildren are doing well. On this Mother's Day, I don't take anything for granted.

Holding my grandbaby Maggie.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Heather is Here. Or is she?

Last night I had to sleep in a recliner. So when I got up at 7 AM feeling like a truck had hit me I crawled into an empty bed and fell back asleep. Usually that causes me to have lucid dreams.  This time I dreamed I lived in a giant clean house. My boyfriend was there fiddling with a thermostat looking thing on the wall. Suddenly the whole house started to rotate, which freaked me out. I kept asking him what he was doing. Then when I got up, each window had a different view than before, which left me feeling disoriented. I walked into a giant sunken living room attached to a higher dining area.  At the table was my little girl Heather. She was about 6 or 7. She was making an art project. I was so happy I kept saying, "Heather is here. Heather is here." I swear I said it so loud, I must have been talking in my sleep. I kept asking myself if she was real. And my mind would answer, "Of course she is real; she is standing right there'. She got up and started to walk over to me. Her blond hair was back-lit by the sun and she had a big smile on her face.

The I woke up and realized it was just a dream. I was sad that she wasn't really here. In fact she turned 31 yesterday, and has two kids of her own and lives far away. I just talked to her on the phone last night and she was very happy.

My daughter holding my grandson.